The Great Cow Conflict
This is the epic tale of the Great Cow Conflict between Their Excellencies Settmour Swamp, Jonathan and Teresa and Their Excellencies Carillion, Corcrán and Luned.
Timeline of Events
- The beginning, March 2017: Baron Jonathan of Settmour Swamp accused the Barony of Carillion of allowing their cows to cross the northern border and eat the grass in the Barony of Settmour Swamp:
There being lands of the Swamp that border those of our neighbors in the Barony of Carillion, and being that lands upon our side of the line born on maps of the known world which separate the two, and upon the north western side of those lines to which we lay claim on behalf of the King and Queen of the east, and we being care takers of those lands that they be eaten only by cattle which belong to the King and Queen of the East, or by proxy the cattle of their sovereigns of charge being we Baron Jonathan and Baroness Teresa, and there being blades of grass which have been severed without witness, by the teeth of cattle other than those of Settmour, and there being a need to account for eaten grass upon those lands, and there being no witnesses to call to settle such matters of teeth and the severing of aforementioned blades of grass...
...do we Baron Jonathan and Baroness Teresa issue a challenge, to be settled by either champions of arms, arts, arrows and bolts, and the hurling of sharp objects at defenseless tree trunks for purposes still not fully understood, in our presences as the sun rises over the fields at Quest, on the 27th day of Winni-mānod in this, the fifty second year of our society.
- Spring Crown, May 2017: During Baronial court, His Excellency Carillion claims that the lands which his cattle have been grazing on are fallow and lack nutrients. So he provided Settmour with a bag of grass seed. During Royal Court, His Excellency Settmour Swamp donning a cow costume explained to the crowd the woes of the Swamp cattle not having enough to eat and how he couldn't find more volunteers to parade in with him. Her Royal Majesty, Ro Honig, upon hearing there were more cow costumes demanded the Baron of Carillion also don a cow costume. Both Barons were sent out with the toy box, Baron Jonathan saying "I don't have to run fast, my Baron!" as they ran for their lives "I just have to run faster than you!". The children took down Baron Corcrán making Baron Jonathan watch, and then they overwhelmed him and claimed the box.
- Southern Region War Camp, June 2017: To show their appreciation of healthy livestock, Their Excellencies Carillion present TRM Ioannes and Honig various gifts from their cattle: milk, cheese, & butter. They then present His Excellency Settmour Swamp with Cow Patties made by Lady Evalina von Schaidag.
- Pennsic 46, Aug 2017: The Barony of Settmour Swamp painted a sheet wall with the Taco Bell symbol on it and replaced one of Carillion Camp's bell sheet walls. Later, Carillion believing the Barony of Bhakail had left the taco bell sheet wall, ordered taco bell and had it delivered to Bhakail. Then Settmour insurgents living in Bhakail camp ate the taco bell. Carillion realizing their mistake took out ads in the Pennsic Independent with White Castle references for the tower of Settmour Swamp and Geico references for the salamander of Bhakail. Carillion attended Settmour Swamp's Pennsic Court giving Their Excellencies gifts of cow tunics and a box of White Castle burgers.
- Coronation of Ivan and Matilde 2017: His Majesty Ivan declared the two barons should settle this dispute with a game of Jomswikinger. A viking game were two blindfolded opponents with a hand placed on a wooden chest attempt to hit each other with bags of fish. His Excellency Settmour Swamp designed the chest for the game and studied techniques in preparation. He was able to best the unprepared Baron of Carillion.
- May 2018: In preparation of Pennsic, Baron Jonathan issues this announcement: "We would like to introduce Sir Moosalot...
...Sir Moosalot will be attending Swamp Camp this year and is an honored guest. Sir Moosalot is in season. If for some reason Sir Moosalot where to go missing, we would search for her, and we would likely pay a ransom for her safe return. Of course if we were to catch someone trying to make off with Sir Moosalot they might find themselves in quite a pickle. I just cannot say for sure what we would do to someone we caught in the act of kidnapping our honored guest. Branding? Ransom? Let us not think of such things, they are best left to the heat of the moment."
- Pennsic 47, Aug 2018: During the knighting ceremony of Baron Jonathan, Sir Moosalot appeared in front of TRM Brennan III and Caoilfhionn III for Baron Jonathan to find when he turned to face them. In the commotion of Baron Jonathan being received by his order, Sir Moosalot was brought to Their Excellencies Carillion. Sir Moosalot sat below their thrones for the remainder of court and she was smuggled back to Carillion camp after it concluded. Sir Moosalot then went on an adventure around Pennsic, taking photos in front of Baronial encampments and landmarks. A facebook page appeared dedicated to Sir Moosalot's Pennsic Adventure. Their Excellencies Carillion purchased the same type of cow, Mistress Heifer, so Sir Moosalot wouldn't be lonely. The two cows guarded Their Excellencies Carillion during their Pennsic Court and later had a wedding ceremony. Sir Moosalot & Mistress Heifer continued adventuring around Pennsic and were both returned to the Barony of Settmour Swamp's camp.
- Southern Region War Camp, June 2019: Baron Jonathan and a herd of cows enter Carillion's Baronial court to convert Carillion's populace to the Barony of Settmour Swamp.
This was the final insult. Their Excellencies Carillion expressed their concerns to TRM Ozurr and Fortune and explained they had proof that Settmour Swamp were the culprits the whole time. Their Excellencies Corcrán and Luned feared there would be retaliation for bringing the evidence forward, so instead of putting their populace at risk they requested to enter a Royal Protection Program. They had their final court, changed their names and Corcrán and Luned have never been seen again.