The Crosier

The Crosier Story as told by Countess Marguerite Ingen Lachlainn:

So I volunteered to run the East Kingdom History Booth at the SCA 50 Year birthday celebration event June 17th to the 27th 2016. We had a long ramp up and prep time for this event, 16 months or so. We needed that amount of time to gather the artifacts we wanted to display... but also because the organization of the event was ... a little bit chaotic. I made it my mission to protect my booth volunteers (writers, scribes, historians and video people) from the event chaos as much as possible, which meant that I ended up being the public face for the project.

So it was no surprise that I was tagged into a post on East Kingdom Facebook Group on June 11th that read the following: "It's big! It's old! It's tacky! It's a genuine Ancient Relic of the East Kingdom, used in the very earliest coronation ceremonies, and it needs to go home. Could the person in charge of the EK historic display at 50 Year please contact me about display and repatriation of this ... ummm ... unique piece of East Kingdom history. Note to any intrepid courier -- it is about 7-1/2 feet tall."

So I respond with: "The Chamberlin (who was Baron Cristoff Gockerhan von Loch at the time) can take that off your hands, but there is no room to transport or display that in the planned EK History booth. I am packing up the booth contents right now. The truck leaves Wednesday morning. And then concluded with "it's a lovely piece of history though" as a sop to her offer. Because as a Rose of the East I am courteous, and sh*t.

Now the thread took off from there a little. Other historians in the group, notably Master Steffan ap Cenydd of Silverwing, self appointed keeper of EK tradition and lore, asked her questions about the provenance of this "artifact" and who her parents were (since the caption associated with this photo claimed it had been in storage in her parent's storage unit since the 70s.). She just basically refused to answer any queries.

At the time I thought: REALLY? I have only been asking for artifacts for months and now someone wants to shove this piece of garbage on me 4 days before the truck leaves? Lady... I have certified artifacts! Everything in that booth has a sign and a place and relevance. I signed off on Magdelena_Carminante's final booth design in November. We had a dry run in March where we decided we had too much stuff and started trimming items. And now? NOW you want to offer me this sketchy monstrosity that I would have to get from Virginia to Massachusetts in 4 days and then on the truck? And how precisely are we gonna pay for shipping that? (Reimbursement of expenses for this project was not really a "thing". All the money the Kingdom gave me went to transporting the stuff down there. )

The Crosier is bestowed

And right after that I stopped thinking about it. Until Day 3 of the event. When I walked into my booth after fencing to find one of my booth volunteers, Simona bat Leon holding the thing between her knees.

Baron Ernst Nuss von Kitzingen took this photo of the very long jaw drop.

"How the hell did THAT get here??!!!!??" I finally demanded.

"Some Laurel on a scooter zoomed up to me and said "Countess Marguerite was looking for this for the booth" and zoomed away.

"Where IS SHE??!!!!????"

"Not sure. I think she was cackling as she drove away though."

Baron Ernst was laughing so hard I thought he was gonna hurt himself.

So I hunt the Laurel down. Do you know how many Laurels on scooters there were at SCA 50 Year? Turns out there are a lot of laurels on scooters at this event, but after a concerted effort, I found her.

"Mistress," I started through gritted teeth, "It was so kind of you to think of us with your artifact loan."

"Oh no," she says breezily, "It's a donation."

"I am not sure I can display it in the booth without proper....attribution."

So she spins me this story about Count Vardak Mirceavitch Basarabov of Iloi donating the crosier for the very first East Kingdom coronation from some play he was prop master for.

"How fascinating...." I grind my teeth.

She smiles benignly and pats my hand, "It's so courteous for you to take it off my hands."

Courtesy is my cryptonite. If someone tells me I am being courteous I crumble. I can't even conceive of being assertive in a way that might hurt someone's feelings afterward.

Then she cheerfully grins and zooms away. I have been played by an out kingdom Laurel and there is not a single thing I can do about it.

I storm back into the booth where Magdelena, who is a real historian working for a real museum, is regarding the monstrosity dubiously.

"We can put in the dumpster," I suggest, "I don't know how the hell she thinks we are getting it home. It's 7 feet tall."

"We can't put it in the dumpster, we don't know it's provenance yet. What if it's the real crosier?"

"What if she sees it in the dumpster?" Ernie asks.

"We don't have a sign for it!" I protest.

Magdelena tucks it behind one of the monitors. Where it glares at me for the rest of the week.

The Crosier Glares

I glare back.

Upon closer inspection it looks like it is made of a stick, sisal rope, Bondo, Elmer's glue, fake plastic gems and heavily tarnished gold spray paint. It is the kind of "artifact" best lost to history.

By the time I got back to camp that night word of the Crosier ran ahead of me. I was "thanked" for "saving such a vital part of East Kingdom history". This thanks was usually accompanied with laughter the other person could not contain.

And for the next 3 days everyone would conclude a sentence about how wonderful something was with, "It's not as cool as a Crosier" , etc. Duke Vissevald Selkirkssonmade it his mission to hunt down every old Easterner he could find to see if anyone recognized it. Not only no, but no one (Duke Cariadoc of the Bow, Duchess Diana Alene,  Count Jehan de la Marche) had even heard of it. They did suggest Master El of the Two Knives might remember it, but El has since passed, so that was completely not helpful. Meanwhile the East Kingdom Camp at SCA50 Year started talking about throwing EK50 Year since our anniversary was up in 2 years. Featured teasingly in all descriptions was the fact that Historical Display really must... really feature the Crosier. I even got thanked with a side eyed grin for "saving such an important artifact." by the King Kenric æt Essex and Queen Avelina Keyes I noted that we would do a better service to the East Kingdom if we smashed it into 1,000 bits and sold off as Pieces of the One True Crosier as a fundraiser for the event.

I had to leave the event early to go to my 1st cousins's wedding leaving Magdelena and my camp mates to break down the booth and ship it back home. I suggested to Vis, who was driving the truck, that perhaps we did not have enough room in the truck to ship the Crosier back. He patted my hand and said, "Don't worry. We will take good care of it." When I got home a week later everything from the booth was there... except the Crosier. I almost hesitated to ask, but when I finally did Vis assured me it was "in good hands".

So....flash forward I got called into court at Pennsic and was honored by the King and Queen for my service in doing the work for SCA 50 Year. They gave me an award called an Augmentation of Arms. Kenric, from the Throne, suggested I augment my arms with a Crosier. Fortunately for me I am not commanded to do so and the law makes it clear I don't even have to listen to his suggestion.

2016 I was made a Pelican, and the artisan who made my vigil book, Johannes_Mikkinen carved a black on black crosier into the back cover.

2018 the Kingdom held the EK50 Year event which was conceived of at SCA50 Year. I was asked to re-do the East Kingdom History booth, so I got all the bits of the booth back together and basically recreated the display that we had at SCA50 Year.

As I was finishing up running the power cords, I hear one of the booth volunteers start laughing helplessly. I turned to look out the open garage door of the building we were in. Striding out of a June thunderstorm, with the rain coming down gently through the sunlight, striding ahead like Thor wielding his bolts of lightning over his head comes Duke Vissevald Selkirksson holding the Crosier aloft with one hand.

There was much swearing, and the stupid thing took it's rightful place, without signage, behind the video monitor. By this time the legend of the Crosier had gone ahead of me, so at least several people knew what it was and cheerfully informed all their friends.

At the end of the event the Chamberlain absolutely refused to take the damn thing off my hands, claiming it was never in his inventory, and it was never going to be seen inside his warehouse.

So it lived in a closet under my stairs for many years. I announced loudly and often that I did not know where it was.

February of 2023 I was elevated to the Order of the Laurel. It was a surprise, dropped on me in court. As my husband and I, Robert Earlson, were pulling into our parking spot at home that night, we saw something glowing in the dark outside our door. It was a stand in crosier, hastily cobbled together by Matthias Grunewald and Thyra Eiriksdottir using a plastic cosplay crook, a modern tent pole, and a glowing laurel wreath wrapped around it. Honestly, in some ways it was better constructed than the original. It made an appearance at the afterparty.

May of 2023:I was elevated to the Order of Defense. In this case it was not a surprise. I had a writ, and all of two weeks to prepare. I got a lot of gentle teasing on Facebook, especially from Countess Matilde DeCadenet who wanted to "make sure the Crosier was there".

OK, Ace.

Robert and I decided it was time to get the damn thing out of our house.

Robert Hides the Crosier

More soon....