Remy's Abs

From EastKingdomWiki

Remy's Abs

  • Breaker of swords
  • Legally required to be covered at all times as it makes all who see it swoon
  • Should be classified as a rigid parry object
  • More manly than Kenric's Manly Beard
  • The reason traffic in Massachusetts is so bad
  • Caused the Red Sox to postpone their opening day
  • It makes Davius St. Jacques cry on sight.
  • They even humble Master Avery Shaw
  • Chuck Norris once punched Remy. The impression left by his fist became Remy's Abs.

Tributes to Remy's Abs

Sonnet I

This kingdom boasts of fencers by the score
With skill in sword exceeding any land,
and famed with second weapons even more
like buckler, dagger, cane or empty hand.
The other weapon of one is best of all
unmatched in all the land of Tyger’s kin,
the terror of all fighters, short and tall
and more disarming than its owner’s grin.
This owner – handsome Remy de Gascogne
is dashing, graceful, dressed quite cavalier –
his lightning rapier can your life purloin
but this is not the thing you most should fear -
the muscles in his gut are matched by few
and strong enough to snap your sword in two.

-Probably by Grim the Skald, it just showed up here one day.

Sonnet II

Of handsome fencer I would tell you true.
He is a man of fierce and forceful sword,
whose blade has bloodied foes and cut clean through.
But not for strength of blade have all adored.
The quality of manly virtue indeed
in his anatomy is fast ingrained.
Its famed rigidity doth far exceed
one’s hopes; its beauty will not be constrained.
One glimpse can make a lady fully swoon,
then pray before that perfect studly shrine.
Against him even men will fail so soon,
as fast their paltry, feeble swords decline.
Remember now the facts that I extol:
The truth is Remy’s abs are hella swole.

- By that wicked libertine Valentyne Shawe

Lausavisur I

Porridge-hill of Halli -
hollow of crow-swallow
mourns the iron-meeting -
mars the helmet-harmer.
The shield-brothers shoulder -
shower of gut-Jutland
hailed for abs of Olgr -
ell-burden with welcome.

-by Master Magnús hvalmagi but he could have been in his cups at the time

Quatrain I

Roses are red,
violets are blue,
Remy's abs can break steel,
and also break you.

-by Piers of Concordia, who 'claims' he can't write poetry.

Limerick I

 There once was a man name Remy
whose abs were built like a Hemi
He took it real hard
It broke into shards
and Deadpool was left with a semi

-By Master Magnús hvalmagi, who departed briefly from his Norse Persona

Limerick II

There once was a man named Thomas
who most decidedly was not a novice
he swung his sword true
the blade broke in two
now his weapon no longer shows promise.

-by Piers of Concordia. So that's two!

Haiku I

The winter wind blows
Coldly cutting through all things
snapped by the mountain

- by Master Grim the Skald, who sincerely apologizes to anyone actually of Japanese descent.