Sick Note Filk

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A filk of the song "Sick Note" or "Why Patty's not at work today" about a fictitious Pensic melee. By, Robert Tytes

Dear sirs I write this note to you to tell you of my plight. For at the time of writing I am not a pretty sight.


My body is all black and blue my face a deathly gray. And I write this note to say why I am not a war today.


Twas early in the morning that I put my armor on. I wanted to go fight the war and also have some fun.


I stood in line and waited for the mighty cannon's blast. Desiring greatly to go charging headlong 'cross the grass.


The cannon blew a hearty note, I charged across the field. And closing on the enemy line I set and raised my shield.


I was then taken off my feat with an almighty thud. And slipped beneath the press to be crushed down in the mud.


The weight that was on top of me it was a ton or more. With all those people fighting I was ground into the floor.


I gasped for air quite vainly as I tried to free my self. Becoming quite concerned now for my body and my health.


The press then broke, they all moved on, I went to stand upright. But looking all around me I received a awful fright.


For when the press had broken t'was the East that'd given ground. Leaving me surrounded by the enemies all around.


Being rather foolish I decided to fight back. I raised my shield and set my sword then started to attack.


I swung with all might at the nearest persons face. Not noticing the white belt tied neatly 'round their waist.


My shot glanced off, I am not skilled, I braced for pain to come. Their sword connected with my leg and sounded like a gun.


And as I went down to my knees, the sword came whistling back. Connecting squarely on my head with a deafening crack.


Before I got to raise my sword or even shout out “DEAD” All in the locality then swung hard for my head.


My skull then tried to leave my neck as my helmet loudly rang. And I reunited with the ground with a colossal bang.


I dragged myself off to the side and said “I've had my fill”. And taking stock of all my pains I downed a bottle of pills.


So I pray that this will satisfy when I attempt to say. That I hope you'll understand why I am not at war today.