Remy's Abs

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Revision as of 21:47, 30 March 2017 by Grim (talk | contribs) (Tributes to Remy's Abs)
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Remy's Abs

  • Breaker of swords
  • Legally required to be covered at all times as it makes all who see it swoon
  • Should be classified as a rigid parry object
  • More manly than Kenric's Manly Beard
  • The reason traffic in Massachusetts is so bad
  • Caused the Red Sox to postpone their opening day
  • It makes Davius St. Jacques cry on sight.
  • They even humble Master Avery Shaw

Tributes to Remy's Abs

Sonnet I

This kingdom boasts of fencers by the score
With skill in sword exceeding any land,
and famed with second weapons even more
like buckler, dagger, cane or empty hand.
The other weapon of one is best of all
unmatched in all the land of Tyger’s kin,
the terror of all fighters, short and tall
and more disarming than its owner’s grin.
This owner – handsome Remy de Gascogne
is dashing, graceful, dressed quite cavalier –
his lightning rapier can your life purloin
but this is not the thing you most should fear -
the muscles in his gut are matched by few
and strong enough to snap your sword in two.

-Probably by Grim the Skald, it just showed up here one day.

Sonnet II

Of handsome fencer I would tell you true.
He is a man of fierce and forceful sword,
whose blade has bloodied foes and cut clean through.
But not for strength of blade have all adored.
The quality of manly virtue indeed
in his anatomy is fast ingrained.
Its famed rigidity doth far exceed
one’s hopes; its beauty will not be constrained.
One glimpse can make a lady fully swoon,
then pray before that perfect studly shrine.
Against him even men will fail so soon,
as fast their paltry, feeble swords decline.
Remember now the facts that I extol:
The truth is Remy’s abs are hella swole.

- By Master Valentyne Shawe